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Rapid City counselor shares some post Valentine’s Day advice

Valentine’s Day is all about openly communicating your love but it’s the day to day that can get tough, especially for couples. Stacy Keyser, a counselor with Rapid City Counseling shares some advice.
Published: Feb. 15, 2021 at 2:00 PM CST
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RAPID CITY, S.D. (KOTA) - Valentine’s Day is all about openly communicating your love but it’s the day to day that can get tough, especially for couples.

Stacy Keyser, a counselor with Rapid City Counseling shares some advice.

  • On the day after Valentine’s Day, it is important to discuss the topic of relationships. What do you feel is important for couples to know in regards to conflict?
  • It is important for couples to know that, according to relationship researcher John Gottman, 69% of all couple’s problems are what are called perpetual problems, which really comes down to personality differences between individuals in a relationship, and only the remaining 31% are actually solvable problems.”
  • If you had to discuss the most important concept for couples to understand to help with healthy conflict resolution, what would it be?
  • “I would say discussing the topic of what John Gottman calls the “4 Horseman of the Apocolypse” is very important. These are very important concepts to avoid in all conflicts to keep a healthy relationship, and they are Criticism, Contempt, Stonewalling, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.”
  • What is the most destructive element out of these?
  • “Contempt is the most important to avoid at all costs, which really has to do with looking down at our partners in some way. Our counselors at Rapid City Counseling always seek to counsel couples with the alternatives to these such as having a gentle start-up, a culture of appreciation, taking responsibility, and self-soothing.”

Rapid City Counseling can be reached by calling (605) 299-9100 or visiting their website, https://www.rapidcitycounselor.com/.

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